


Life Tends to Come and Go

by brianmay_be



Category: The Politician (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Embarrassment, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, First Dance, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Sad Ending, Tenderness, True Love, also River listens to The Smiths..... fight me, and I will die on this hill, bi!payton, bi!river, of course it's sad...... i mean come on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25643461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianmay_be/pseuds/brianmay_be
Summary: River kissed him back slowly, easing it deeper; his fingers twined with Payton’s and he felt an incredible tenderness as he felt the slight shake to Payton’s hands.“Let’s dance,” River said against Patyon’s mouth. “Loosen up a little.”or;Payton remembers the first time he danced with River.
Relationships: River Barkley/Payton Hobart
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Life Tends to Come and Go

**Author's Note:**

> River's death isn't depicted in this fic, but I used the archive tag just to be safe. Title comes from "I Won't Share You" by The Smiths.
> 
> As always, come see me on my tumblr, @brianmay-be ♡

“So... should we kiss?”

River couldn’t help a chuckle, endeared to Payton’s blush as he realized his silver tongue had abandoned him the moment they were alone together.

“Sorry,” Payton said bashfully. His hands clasped tightly in his lap. “That was weird.”

“It’s ok,” River said sweetly, his comforting voice patient and kind. He moved closer to Payton on the edge of the bed, forgetting everything that wasn’t the bespectacled, rosy-cheeked brunette. “I’d love to kiss.”

Though Payton’s eyes sparked with excitement, River let Payton lead, wanting him to be comfortable. He leaned in, lips bowed like he wanted to kiss him, but River was patient; he could feel the shyness radiating off Payton in waves, and wasn’t surprised when Payton pulled back.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. His laugh was nervous, deflecting. “I’m just a little nervous.”

River ducked his head to meet Patyon’s eyes, showing that gentle smile that Payton felt was more genuine than anything else in the whole world. It almost made him embarrassed, to be seen and loved so honestly.

“You don’t have to apologize, Payton,” he said softly, giving him a smile. “I’m nervous too.”

“Not possible,” Payton said, and River’s laugh eased the tightness in his chest.

“I’m always nervous when I’m around you,” River said. “The big scary politician. You’re kind of intimidating.”

Payton snorted and made River smile. 

“Please,” he scoffed. “I’m a joke compared to Astrid. I’m ten points down.”

“Good thing I never cared about politics anyway,” River said lightly. “Just... maybe had a thing for politicians.”

He brushed his knuckles over Payton’s cheek, feeling the warmth of his blush. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. I just wanted to be with you.”

Payton leaned into River’s touch. “That’s what I want too. More than anything.”

River smiled. “So, we’ll just see where it goes?” he asked. “Is that ok?”

Payton nodded. Then, feeling a sudden flash of bravery, or overconfidence, he moved closer and gave River the kiss he hadn’t earlier. River kissed him back slowly, easing it deeper; his fingers twined with Payton’s and he felt an incredible tenderness as he felt the slight shake to Payton’s hands.

“Let’s dance,” River said gently. “Loosen up a little.”

Payton breathed a laugh. “Ok.”

River gave Patyon’s hand a final squeeze before getting up to grab his phone, scrolling through Spotify until he found the song he wanted. Music filled the quiet in Payton’s room; he laughed when River danced back over to him and drew him close to his chest. 

“We’re just gonna take it easy,” River said sweetly, combing his fingers through Payton’s hair and framing his face with his big hands. Payton’s hands settled on River’s hips as they swayed to the music. Payton would have been happy to stay that way forever; River’s smile was warm and gentle, his dark curls falling over his forehead, his expression easy and happy in the dim light.

“You’re beautiful,” Payton said suddenly, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he had a chance to think. He blushed but couldn’t take his eyes away from River’s smile.

“Thank you,” River said sincerely. He traced his thumb over Payton’s bottom lip. “I think you’re beautiful too.”

River led him gently, dancing them around the room to the slow song. Payton didn’t recognize the song, but the lyrics stayed with him: _I won’t share you with the drive and ambition, the zeal I feel, this is my time_. He felt it was a little on the nose and searched River’s eyes.

“What band is this?” he asked innocently.

A small smile tugged at the corners of River’s mouth. “The Smiths,” he said. “Do you like it?”

Payton shrugged. Before he could answer, River took his hand and led him in a spin, making Patyon laugh. When Payton was back in River’s arms again, he pressed as close to him as he could without tripping up their steps.

“The song’s not about pride,” River said, reading Payton’s worries without having to ask. “It’s not really about ambition, either. It’s about fear.”

“Fear of what?”

River’s eyes were impossibly kind, that patient blue that Payton felt expressed River’s heart more than anything he ever said or did.

“Intimacy,” River said. “Vulnerability. Feeling things. He’s afraid to share everything inside him with a partner, or even a friend.”

Payton’s laugh was mirthless. “Sounds familiar.”

“It shouldn’t,” River said. He rubbed circles against Payton’s waist. “You’re sharing yourself with me, right now.”

Payton closed his eyes. “It’s easy with you.”

River chuckled and kissed the tip of Payton’s nose. “I’m glad. You have so much beauty and light to share, Payton. Thank you for sharing it with me.”

Payton met River’s eyes. He had the thought that River could be slow dancing to The Smiths with Astrid, or anyone else, and he wondered how he’d gotten lucky enough to be this close to River, held in his arms. 

“Why me?” Payton asked.

“What do you mean?” River asked.

Payton shook his head. “Why are you with me? Why are we doing this?”

“Do you want the truth?”

“I’m a politician, River, of course I want the truth. I can’t work with anything else.”

River smiled. “Alright. I’m in love with you, Payton.”

Payton was stunned into silence for a moment, looking up at River and that gorgeous grin, those boyish curls, that almost unbelievable sincerity. 

“You... you are?” he offered lamely.

River laughed. “Yes, I am.”

Payton still couldn’t come up with anything of value to say. “Well, what about Astrid?”

River shrugged. Payton was only vaguely aware that River was still leading them in a slow dance, but he was happy to let River lead.

“I wish Astrid only good things,” River said. “But... it’s just not meant to be.”

If anybody else had said that, Payton would have thought that sounded flippant and noncommittal, but everything River said was sincere and thoughtful.

“I’m in love with you, Payton,” River said softly. “It’s different than with anyone else.”

“Me too,” Payton said. He realized that wasn’t exactly a winning answer and quickly amended it. “I mean, I feel that it’s different with you, too.”

He bit his lip, thinking of how best to say what he wanted to; under River’s gentle gaze, he realized he didn’t need to word things so carefully. River saw him, in a way no one else did; he heard what he meant to say, regardless of what came out of his mouth.

“I fell in love with you the first time I saw you,” Payton said. He closed his hand a little tighter over River’s and felt River do the same in response.

“I didn’t know what to make of you. I had everything so carefully planned out, and then I saw you the first day of school, and I felt like I wanted to throw all my plans out the window. Harvard, D.C., Alice, everything. I made myself get over you, for the good of the campaign, but when you showed up here - ” Payton laughed at the memory of the tall, confident boy with a sweet smile and a mop of curls, speaking fluent Mandarin. “I fell in love with you all over again. And when you kissed me...”

River smiled. “What, like this?”

He leaned in, just as gently as he had that day, brushing his fingers over Payton’s jaw. Payton’s breath was warm on his skin, and the sound Payton made had River weak in the knees.

“I love you,” Payton said. He could feel River’s smile.

“I love you too. I wanted to tell you that day, but I thought I might scare you off.”

Payton gave a soft laugh. “Well, you’re stuck with me now. How do you feel about being First Gentleman of Saint Sebastian High School?”

“Greatest honor of my life,” River teased.

Payton smiled. “As it should be.”

River put his hand to Payton’s face, brushing his thumb over his cheek. “I’m glad I know you, Payton. I’m happy I can be someone you share yourself with.”

Payton leaned into his touch. “I think you’re the only person who really knows me.”

“We both do,” River said. “And that’s better than no one knowing at all. It would be a shame to never really know you. You deserve to be known as deeply as you want to be, especially by yourself.”

“Will you help me?”

River smiled and kissed him again. “Of course I will.”

The song plays on Payton’s phone, unable to fill up the room that misses River’s warmth like Payton does in his very bones. He tries but he can’t conjure up River this time; maybe it’s too real, too raw. This memory that Payton has memorized, River dancing him around to The Smiths and kissing him gently, knowing him more than Payton had ever been known, and more than he ever would be again. Maybe it’s too close in his heart to the place he keeps pain.

Payton almost feels the press of River’s fingers on his lips, gentle and tender in a way Payton had never been touched until he met River. The last lines of the song fade out, and Payton thinks he hears River’s voice singing them. _I’ll see you somewhere, I’ll see you sometime darling_.

Payton restarts the song before it can end, and sits to listen on the piano bench with enough room left for River’s ghost.


End file.
